Those Advice given by My Dad That Rescued Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

However the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - going on a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."